Have been finished all of my GCSE exam -- maybe its my last exam forever!

wendy & chris r just gone... miss them sooooooo much... dun really want them to leave!

My last night in Mill Hill ....................

~ bye bye lor ~

just finished my biology exam, feel so relax... comfortable... but still feel a bit sad, depressed, feel regreat... as i only spent 2 hours in this morning to revise it, i ve a whole week time to revise, to prepare for the exam, but i didnt use it... i can exactly feel that "i'll be failed!" seriously... 10 Qs in the paper, i only can anwer 3 of them, the others just 'made up' or 'guess' answer...

however... it's been finished... finished forever... cannot do anything now... my last biology in my life ......

everything seems to be back to normal, back to the orginal, all the stuffs ve been sorted out. so many things had happened during this half-term, made a huge differece to me & my life.  had enough... enough... seriouly want to quit... really want to get over... coz i feel fucking tired now...  have no energy to continue... cannot breath properly... need a 'place' can relax, can recover my heart, can let me have some sunshine, can let me have some fresh air. the things i've done seems to be all 'pointless' 'meanless' 'useless'.  "i give up now!"

i'm trying to get over......

i'm trying to take it easy.......

i'm trying to give up......

i'm trying to make a new start......

i'm trying to love......

i'm trying to breath...... to smile...... to happy...... at least... i am trying ......

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so many things had happened during those days.....  suddently feel a bit tired... fed up... helpless... lost myself......

i'm so confused!!!  suddently, i feel i cant understand myself anymore... dun know what i'm doing,  dun know what else i can do,  dun know y i cant give up,  dun know y i cant let him go,  I DONT KNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!  what i'm doing??? what i'm waiting for??? what i'm ...............................

everything has been clearly said & decided,  i know the fact  totally -- things cannot change, cannot turn back, cannot make any difference.... So, if i know the truth, y i'm still keep doing some stupid stuff ; y i'm still trying that hard ; y i'm still putting that much effort to try to make it works; and actully, i know it's all useless, pointless, meanless : -

                "THINGS NEVER EVER WILL BE CHANGE !!! "

give up ... give up... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up ... give up .....................................................................................................

(CAN I ...... really ??? )